Guest Post: My Mom, Amanda Telford

Isabelle asked me to write a post this week about being a parent of an exchange student. First, you’ll note that she gets her “long-windedness” (which I mean in the best way possible) from me.  Second, I will admit that one auxiliary benefit to having a child overseas during an Olympic year is that you get to cheer for multiple countries. Go Attacking Vikings!

With that out of the way - I’d be willing to bet that just as kids are different, so are we as parents and that can’t help but affect how we experience our child’s year abroad.  So our experience is just that, ours. To start, YFU had an anti-helicopter message on steroids for us parents.  This was a time for the kids to grow.

So how’s that working for us? Well, I don’t think we were particularly “helicopter-y” before but we probably engage with Isabelle more than they might like. In this day of social media and apps that make it easy to connect, it’s a throwaway to shoot off a picture or a question or a statement.  We also FaceTime every other-ish week.  

It might be easiest to give a sense of the ups and downs of being a parent of an exchange student through a best and worst list.

Best

• Watching her personal growth. She has pushed herself to experience more in Norway. Inertia is powerful and the commitment of going abroad yanked her out of the comfort zone of our house. She just told us she marched in the city last night with about 100 kids, handing out flyers and singing songs to promote the musical they are putting on; tonight she’s going to the Opera with some friends.  Yeah, she’s got options.
• She is seeing a broader worldview than most of us ever get and because it is happening while she is still in high school, it feels like we have a front row seat to the exposure. I can’t explain why I feel like it’s different than if she went when she was in college, but I feel like we’re a part of it a bit more.
• Seeing her make long-lasting friends from all over the world. So cool.
• Watching her work through challenges in a different language. It adds a twist to the “coming of age” that happens in high school.
• Seeing the “old” Isabelle’s strength of character – the pieces of her personality that make her who she is - solidify through the different situations her time in Norway has offered. Yes, she has changed some, but those parts that are “Isabelle” have firmed up and will serve her well.
• Knowing her host family has embraced her in their daily lives and that she has ties to a whole other support system forever. We feel incredibly lucky that Anne, Espen, Bjørn and Elin have welcomed Isabelle into their home and that she was placed in a school that was almost tailor-made for her and her “nerdiness.” (If you read her blog, you know she owns that descriptor!) Knowing she has a caring family and feels comfortable at school gives me a huge sense of comfort.

Worst

• Watching her walk away at Logan Airport on August 9th.  What was exciting for her felt like a large loss to me. We only get our kids for a small number of years and she was leaving us for one of them.
• Feeling helpless when the s&*^ hit the fan health-wise. We didn’t know the Norwegian system, process, etc. and while she had her host family’s support, it doesn’t remove the indelible fact that this is your kid and she doesn’t just “not feel good” but is seriously hurting. While she has learned a lot, the fact is she’s 16 and dealing with the health system is a challenge when you’re an adult, not to mention a teenager. And I felt like there was a line of knowing we trusted her host family but also that she is our child and at the end of the day, we want to make sure she gets what’s best (a point to which her host family was incredibly supportive).
• Missing the everyday things in life. We miss all those bits and pieces of life that we would hear about at dinner each night and now are only summarized a couple times a month. It’s like we get a sketch of an outline but the shading and details that make up the richness of watching your kids grow is missing.
• Finally, and very selfishly, having Isabelle go away for her junior year means we miss a lot of “notable” high school moments. Our circle keeps us vicariously in the loop for those things but it is still an “outside looking in” feeling. Just as for her the benefits outweighed the negatives on missing those things, they do for us as well, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say sometimes it makes me sad.

Finally, I don’t know whether this is a best or a worst, but her leaving on her adventure fuels a sense of wanting to make the most of time for me as well.  Her going away has made me feel like I should grab onto opportunities whenever possible; those things I want to do and never feel there is time for, well, she’s inspired me to try to figure out how to make time.   

I often get asked “Do you miss Isabelle?”  Um, yes. BUT, how can I not feel love, pride and all around good that she has had this amazing experience?  The world is gaining one hell of a young woman because of it.  That sums up my experience as a parent of a student studying abroad in high school.